Beautiful Night

December 21, 2005  |  Creative

Darkness seemed to wrap itself around her as if it were her very own cloak. She liked that; she liked to sit in the dark with one lit candle writing at her personal desk. It’s odd, she thought, it’s very odd how things are revealed in the dark, rather than the bright shiny days.

Looking outside her window, she saw the beautiful night, the beautiful moon and stars and how they brought so little light but so much beauty into the night. She loved staring outside at this particular time. She loved remembering certain events and small little memories that meant nothing really to anyone else but meant the world to her. Closing her eyes, she felt the pen in her hand; she felt the strong grip that wrapped itself around her whenever she held it.

She has made it a habit now, a habit of writing letters to him as if he were still here. It’s been 3 years since he has gone and she still mourned the loss of such a beautiful soul. Why is it that the good men, decent men, always taken or not available in one-way or another? Why was he taken away from me? Questions such as these were constantly on her mind.

Opening her eyes slowly she looked down on her letter, it started:

Dearest Alexander,

Did you know that you were and are my first and only love? Did you know that baby? I am sorry I never got the chance to say anything. I never got the chance to tell you anything. I was just so scared. I was scared of putting myself out there and admitting to you something big such as this. We were the greatest friends and to jeopardize this friendship would kill me. I wanted to be more than your friend but I could not risk you rejecting me, I could not risk you saying that you didn’t feel this way. Although now that you are gone, I believe it’s a little different, I believe you too might have felt more than a friendship between us.

Do you know what I am doing Alex, dear? Well I am smiling; I am actually smiling remembering the countless times that you snaked up the tree outside my bedroom window to spend the night over. Remember those days, oh they were so happy and so full of laughter. I remember our little pillow fights, I remember snuggling together under the covers, touching yet not touching, and spending endless hours just talking. It was and still is my favorite memory, you were always someone I could talk to, always someone I could tell my deepest secrets too. And I always listened to you as well. Remember that one specific time, you had just climbed up the tree and were leaning inside my window trying to lift yourself in? Remember that? Well I do, your face had the cutest expression on it, and you were trying to look so strong lifting yourself in that you hadn’t noticed my messy pile of clothes and books splattered across the floor beneath my window. Hey, it wasn’t my fault that you didn’t tell me you were coming that day, I thought you said you had a big date or plans or something. But somehow you managed to either get them done and over with and sneak some me time.

Why did you have to go out that night? Why did you? I sensed something wrong happened the second the car hit you, but why didn’t you fight a bit harder to live? I don’t think I remember a day in the first year after your passing that I didn’t shed a tear for you. I don’t think I remember an hour, minute, second that passed by without me remembering you and wishing you were still here.

I still wish you were here baby. I wish we had another chance. I would have taken it without looking back, and I wouldn’t have regretted it for the rest of my life. To be loved by you in that special way, to present myself to you as an offering, a sacrifice to one of those ancient gods meant everything, meant much more than a mere rejection.

It’s true what they say, “to have loved and lost is better than to have loved and never admitted it at all.” Well that isn’t how the saying goes really, but that’s the gist of it of course.

I love you Alexander and I miss you so much more in the night. They were so beautiful when you were alive, now they are beautiful with only our memories. At least I still have those.

Love always,
Your Lizzie

Related Posts

About the author

I am a Kuwaiti Apple and gadget girl freak, who gets bored of her blog layouts so much that I change them like I crazy. Currently I work in a newspaper and if you don't see me around I'm being sucked into my job reviewing TV Shows and APPS! This is my space where I vent and release everything, welcome to it.

14 Comments


  1. Need a publisher? :D You got a gift gurl! mashallaaaaah *tif tif*

  2. BOy OH BOY!
    jackz you made me smile with tears… you brought out the story of my life!

    Oh gurl *sigh*

  3. Extinct Dodo, You are so kind hehehe you made me smile when I read the comment, and I thiknk I don’t want to publish anything other than here on my blog ;P There are other Creative Stories if you’d like to read some, they are under Creative.

    Juddy Abbott, Hehehe tears? Why? I felt that it wasn’t alive though I felt I missed the feelings but I love your compliments nonetheless.

  4. That was lovely Jackie :)

  5. Jewaira, thanks I am just shy now :r Ugh ehehehe

  6. I cried. I actually cried.

    This kept on resounding in my head while reading this post:

    “Nobody said it was easy,
    Oh it?€™s such a shame for us to part.
    Nobody said it was easy,
    No one ever said it would be so hard.
    I?€™m going back to the start.”

    ‘The Scientist’ by Coldplay>/i>

  7. A masterpeice..so touching..so moving..and very intense..great job Jax..the letter is amazing.u are so talented.

  8. walla 7aseet sumthin bad’s coming!! very touchy, teslam eed elli katbat-ha :D

  9. Hey Jackie,

    We’ve been working on a blogging-related project called toot. I would really appreciate it if you email me at roba@itoot.net.
    Thanks!

  10. Sou, Thanks honey, I’m sorry I made you cry though really I am :(

    Ferrari, Thanks very much I really appreciate your comment.

    Blasha, Really you felt it early on in the story?

    Roba, Done emailed ya :D

  11. yeah, i was like… ambeeh plz la y6la3 mayt !!

  12. Yalla you already know how I feel about it :) Nicely written schoolgirl.

  13. Ok, I never became a publicizer or whatever its spelled, but now I think i’ll be one :)