I feel that I have written this exact post about a million times, and each time promising that I’m back for good and a few short weeks later I disappear (let’s be honest it’s even less than a few weeks). Something just doesn’t feel right, I constantly get my greatest ideas before I go to bed.
The minute my head hits the pillow I start penning (that’s writing for you non-English majors :P) the post and thinking about what I want to say and when the morning comes I promise myself that I will actually end up writing something today, but the day comes and goes without me having written anything.
I kind of feel uninspired, a sense of writer’s block and everything block if that’s a situation one can be in. It’s been 6 months now without a job and I feel a bit demotivated, I get bouts of depression from time to time but then again I can chalk those up to my medication whose side effect includes mood swings and such. I don’t feel as if I am my usual joyous self (not that I was insanely joyous to begin with) but I am thankful enough that I am alive and able to write at least these meager words. I feel lost, I have plenty of experiences to write about but when it comes down to it, when I sit in front of the computer and place my fingers on the keyboard, everything blanks out and I just disappear.
It’s the same feeling when it comes to being inspired to create something new, working on new websites, new designs and such I just feel blah. I’m not sure what is happening but I do hope it’s just a phase.
Now that I semi-returned I want to write something, anything really, once a day at least get my thoughts flowing. Get used to writing again. I will ignore the need to include pictures in my raw posts simply because that’s how I did it for so long and I was happy with the outcome. So bear with me (errrr errrrr I’m a bear ;P) and let’s see how long this comeback sticks, hopefully more than the 2 seconds Justin Timberlake gave ‘NSYNC during the MTV Video Music Awards this year :P
So, Good Night since I decided to not sleep until I actually write these thoughts this time.
Once upon a time, a long time ago (not really but it was a while back) I was a negative person, always thinking that the world was out to get me, always hating the cards I’d been dealt with and made it my life mission to constantly be depressed and a pessimist, then something magical happened and I became this other person. I became a person who was an optimist and tried to look at the brighter picture.
It might be something called “growing up” or it might be that I had a sudden jolt during a thunderstorm (in our case a dust storm) and I changed my outlook but it has helped a lot.
Yes life deals you some foul cards but it’s not the end of the world. Yes there are rude people out there but it doesn’t mean you have to be one of them in order to get by, sometimes the nicest of people can get the most accomplished.
When I was diagnosed back in January and was informed that surgery was the only way for me to be healthy again I won’t lie to you, I freaked out and cried (a tiny bit) but once that was out of my system I looked at it as an opportunity to be more healthy, an opportunity to get rid of something so bad in my body that will most definitely ruin my life if left untreated. And every doctor’s appointment since (check-ups that is) I just laugh it off and hope for the best.
They say laughter is what makes the heart young, I guess that means depression, negativity and sourness is what makes it old!
To all you negative people out there, I just want to tell you that there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel, you don’t have to think you are holier than thou and that you are the only one in this world who is dealt a bad card, some of you might have failed a class, might have been diagnosed with a serious illness, might have even lost a loved one by death or other means, might even have encountered other negative people… I just want to tell you that you don’t have to be all negative to get the attention you seem to crave. Life is so much better when you smile, life is so much better when you appreciate it, life is so much better simply because its not life who is dealing you the bad cards and waiting for you to hit rock bottom its simply testing your resolve and seeing how you would rise from this one challenge.
Life is good, only if you paint it that way and make it seem that way. Everyone has their own priorities and the stuff that would just turn it into hell but if you dwell on those you will simply miss out on living. And remember all the negativity you have in your body will only push everyone around you away. Out the door and they’d never look back!
We all suffer daily, some choose to move on with life and embrace it, while others simply choose to keep on suffering and paint themselves as the martyr in this chapter.
Any thoughts? Comments? Feel free to share below.
Personal posts should make a come back here, I should bring them back.. I used to love sharing my thoughts out with the interweb space (yes I made that up, I think) and I think it’s time to bring it back. Ever since I got back from the States I guess I have been in a sort of hibernation, depression, sick mode which I am trying to get myself out of. I’ve also procrastinated a lot of things, I know some of you might not care what I write or anything about my life but my blog has always been MY outlet to express myself and I guess this is as good time as any to try to drag myself out of it.
I did a lot of cool things on my last trip to the States.. I went to New York and Las Vegas and boy did I have fun! Not to mention I didn’t actually want to come home (mainly because I liked the ‘semi-active’ lifestyle I led there). I used to walk everywhere I wanted to go (with the exception of a handful of times I used the Taxi only because it was either too late to walk home or the location was extremely far.
Depression hits me at odd times, mostly when I feel myself too sick to do something or just too plain lazy to do it. No I don’t think the laziness plays a part but something triggers it, I fight the ‘Debbie Downer’ feelings I get as often as I can but sometimes I end up staying a bit longer in bed or watching reruns of an old TV Show just to get out of my funk and it would help a bit. But thankfully I’m leading a good life (unemployed) but still good.
I guess that’s pretty much a small update as to the state of my mind.. What’s new with you? If you’d care to share, I’d be happy to listen (or read in this case).
P.S. A final update to the list will be released sometime around 2pm tomorrow if not a bit later.. Trying to get the final timings since a lot of networks CHANGED it completely :s Damn their bipolar timings!
I know this might be a tad bit late since we are now almost on the 4th of April but I was reading through some old posts and I remembered something hilarious. The April Fools tricks bloggers used to pull off back in the day (pre-2010’s) mostly consisted of people quitting blogging, threatening to quit, or staging some other drama piece. Nowadays, no one takes the 1st of April that seriously hehe not many pranks were seen these last few years, and well I have fizzled out in my pranks (not that I had many to begin with hehe!) and it seems that there is no real significance at all.
Back in 2006, I posted that I was quitting blogging, but in the end I came back 5 days later admitting to the prank, but what pulled me in was how tight-knit the blogging family back then how it was a different kind of community one that had every blogger remaining anonymous except to their real life friends and family who read their blog. Company events and gatherings weren’t that popular, the only thing popular was the Safat Monthly Get-Together which was organized by the guy bloggers nibaq, forzaq8, EXZombie, and a few others. It was rare to see girl bloggers attending and well I was as shy as a mouse back then (Don’t be fooled I wasn’t always as cool as I am today!)
I have met many great bloggers earlier on, remember I’ve been doing this since 2004, that means 9 years worth of blogging under my belt and although I’m not as active as I was in my early days I still love it, I still cherish it and wouldn’t quit it for anything in the world. I’d like to just thank every single blogger from the early 2000’s until today (not all of the new ones though there are plenty out there I don’t like!) for sharing your weird writing with us and simply for being you!
It is no surprise that I haven’t been tackling my “New Year Resolutions” as well as I have promised myself to, but I always chalk that up to it being the first month of the year and I am in need of a nice vacation time. It is also no surprise that last week on Wednesday January 16th was the last working day for me as an editor at a newspaper. It’s like another chapter in the story of my life has been written and closed (for some reason I feel that sentence needs some work but I’m not yet function-able to edit it so I’ll leave you to fix it my grammar fairies).
It finally hit me today, a mere 5 days after I started my “open-ended vacation” time that I no longer had the jaded view on life I used to have when I was looking for stories to fill my pages. You see back when I used to edit the Entertainment pages I would constantly look for interesting stories to share with the readers, most of which had to deal with Hollywood and the likes of that. One of the most disturbing things I discovered about myself is that when a celebrity would pass away or a dramatic thing would happen to them I would jump with joy simply because I now had a lead story to lead with on my page (one person’s misery is some else’s entertainment). Now that I no longer have to read the entertainment news as a chore or part of my job I stumble across the celebrity death stories and no longer feel a sense of misplaced ‘happiness’ instead I am back to feeling sad for that person and their family because it is a huge loss.
Not everyone becomes as jaded as I have become because of the need to fill the pages but sometimes you reach that extreme. I know I reached it, and I know that there were days I would be ecstatic with the amount of news I can carry on a page simply because of the mishaps and downfalls certain celebrities had dealt with. Will I miss this aspect of my job, of course not! I am now back to being a normal human being (if a normal human being ever existed). But I will miss the power I had at the tips of my hands, the power of telling my readers what was important to read and what wasn’t.
Wait, why should I miss that aspect? I still own it here! I can make you read about anything I want you to! And in the upcoming days I promise to bombard you with insane amounts of posts to read, yes some might be of the advertisable aspect but one does have to squeeze those in there to share with you the happenings going on in Kuwait.
Thanks to my little Nada Faris for kicking my bum and getting me to actually look back at my resolutions. You see I actually wanted to give myself a break until January 10th, since I wanted to churn out 20 posts a month, I thought one a day afterwards would surely meet the quota but now that I’m 12 days late I guess that means I have to pull an all-nighter.
Now that the year is almost ending, I decided to actually drop by and check what’s up, hell there are lots of cobwebs gathering around and I really can’t believe that the last time I was on here was December 6th! I have been a bad girl and Santa should not even consider gifting me that deliciously gorgeous 27″ iMac I’ve been drooling about! But a lot has happened since the end of November.
Before December began, I received the unfortunate news that my job will come to an end in three months, and that meant the love I had when I shared with you the Technology news, Apps of the Week, and Entertainment biznaaaz (yes I deliberately spelled business that way!) will come to an end. Not only that, but since we’re pretty much shutting down, we had already shut down in terms of staff and are now functioning on the bare minimum. It’s a shame really but now that we’re only a handful I have a larger load to deal with and not enough hours in the day to actually sit and write on this beautiful blog. I want to make that time, I really do but I find myself either being asleep or at work, or dealing with the family one way or another. It’s really funny how this turned out.
I am not upset, in fact I am looking at this situation positively because this only means that another adventure awaits me, learning something new, applying myself to it and finding something to make me wake up bright and early every morning just happy to be alive (not that I am not doing that already).
2012 has been a good year and in a few days when I write up my “What’s Happened This Year” post I will unravel all the mysteries and the whatnot (I actually just made a ‘whatever’ gesture with my hands… lifted them up from the keyboard, gestured and now they’re back!) What delights me from day to day is the fact that I actually enjoy writing about my life (or lack thereof) and it’s just interesting being able to do share thoughts and everything with you guys. One of the things I hope to perfect in the upcoming days, weeks, months, years is the ability to transfer my midnight thoughts, my actual posts which I write when I am all tucked in bed, with the lights completely out and put them up here. You have no idea how many times I sat there in bed looking up at the ceiling, composing a post and not wanting to leave the warm confines of my covers to grab that laptop and type it away, because simply turning on the laptop will mean I see some light and become wide awake and poof there goes my sleep.
This week will mark my “come-back” week. Let’s hope I’m not like Britney and that I wouldn’t fail on that come back. I also will apologize but I have a few semi-press releases I wish to share and well I can’t think of another way but going ahead and doing it. So sorry for those of you who aren’t looking for those. I try to spin some around and play with the wording to make it interesting but sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do simply!
Anywho, it’s time for me to hit the sack and I shall see you on the morrow with a brand new post and something interesting to share!
This couch has seen better days, it’s been neglected by a bad Jacqui and now the good Jacqui has come out to save its bum. She has lots of stories and tales from all around the world to share and therefore she must do them as soon as the star lineup is correct. Have you ever felt like that? Felt that you just couldn’t do something simply because it’s too much of a chore or it requires too many steps to get one thing done?
I’ve always procrastinated, the reason I did ‘good’ in college and not ‘great’ or ‘excellent’ was because I didn’t apply myself I didn’t push myself to the edge and that’s how I’ve been living these past few years. I start off with wanting to write about my day, my experience, my new toy and then I get distracted by watching a video, TV show, reading other blogs, and so much more. Then that urge to write simply disappears.
The thing I miss the most about old-school blogging happens to be the sharing aspect of my day, my life, my existence. Back in the day I would write up a post about what I did that day even if it was as boring as going into work dealing with crazy customers and heading back home pooped and exhausted! Now it seems that everything has to be about an event I attended and my recommendations and such. I think I should bring back that old fashioned style of sharing my day, hey if it’s not sharing it with you, it’s at least sharing it with myself. I sometimes look back at my older posts and laugh at what I wrote about that day, the things that worried me back then versus the things that worry me now and so forth.
Anyways, this post really started out as a place-holder, you know telling you I’m going to do something and there is a 50/50 chance I might actually finally do it. But this time I really do hope I would do it. Seriously, Jacqui you have to stop being lazy and actually do it! Yalla chop chop go work!